Saturday, February 11, 2012

Confessions of a Stay At Home Mom

Five years ago, as a sophomore in college, if someone would have told me that I would one day be a stay at home mom I would have laughed in their face. I had big dreams for myself. Huge dreams. I wanted to make a difference in people's lives. I wanted to be a social worker, and rescue kids from abusive homes. Or a teacher, and touch the lives of thousands of students. Or a missionary, and maybe even one day run my own orphanage overseas. I wanted a life of adventure, risk and danger. I wanted challenges and to be put in life threatening situations. But God had a very different plan for me. He called me to something harder. Something even more challenging. At least for me. He called me to something that involved giving up my dreams. Something that involved selflessness and sacrifices. He called me to make myself vulnerable, willing to love someone so much that I hurt when they hurt. He called me to risk being isolated and lonely. And to make someone else's needs, comforts and happiness more important than my own. He called me to be a stay at home mom.

I admit I did not accept this calling enthusiastically. Even though I loved my daughter more than life the second she was born and I never would have been able to place her in anyone else's care so I could go to work every day, adjusting to the hidden life of a stay at home mom was hard. After being a full time college student, then a missionary in Haiti, then a preschool teacher, as a stay at home mom I constantly struggled with a feeling of worthlessness and shame, a feeling that I was wasting my life away and that I was a burden to my husband who was financially supporting me. The first few months of my daughter's life I was lonely, claustrophobic and depressed.

My daughter changed my heart. Falling more deeply in love with her all the time, I started to realize that she was worth changing my life for. With every smile, every giggle, every hug and every kiss, every time I held her in my arms or cuddled her to sleep, I realized that being the best mom I could for her, loving her with all my heart  and giving her the best life I could possibly give her was more important to God than any of the plans I had made for myself.

 God has called me to be the best wife and mom I can possibly be. To love my husband and my daughter unconditionally 100% of the time. And to raise my daughter to love God and love people. I want to give her every opportunity to learn and grow and I want to make the most of every single day that I spend with her.

I created this blog for several reasons. 1) To document all the fun activities, games, projects and special moments that I share with my daughter. Because I know that every day that passes I will never get back again. 2) So that my family and friends who live far away or for whatever reason are not able to be involved in my daughter's life can still get a tiny taste of what a beautiful little blessing and joy she is. And 3) To be an encouragement and inspiration to other moms out there who may be stuck in a rut, who are not sure how to make the most of their time with their children, who may be struggling with loneliness and depression, who count down the hours and minutes until their husbands get home from work every night...I hope to share new and exciting ideas about ways to make each day special for you and your precious children. I pray this blog makes a difference in your life.  



3 comments:

  1. Rebekah,
    This blog will be wonderful for you. All those reasons you gave are why I do mine. There are times I wonder if anyone else is even reading it. But I find that I am blessed by the record I am keeping of our every day, ordinary life. And occasionally, along the way, a friend will make a comment that brings a smile to my face. So no matter how ordinary the day's events might seem to you, record it if you feel led to. Years from now that record will be wonderful to have for you and your children.

    Love, Janet

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  2. This post was so encouraging, thank you! :)

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  3. I'm glad I could encourage you, thanks so much for reading!

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