I know I'm not the only mom out there who, after having Baby #2, feels guilty because Baby #1 is no longer getting Mommy's attention 100% of the time. At the end of every day, all I can think about is all the times I had to tell Mercedes "we have to wait until Emerald is done nursing" or "not until I change Emerald's diaper" or "I can't right now because I have to take care of Emerald". Then I remember all the times that day that Mercedes refused to give me a hug, ran out of the room crying or hid in her bed under her covers after a temper tantrum. She also watches way more TV these days than I care to admit. At the end of every day, I feel like I've failed her and neglected her. Every day feels like a bad day.
I'm working on remembering the good moments. Focusing on the happy parts of the day. To help, this morning I started writing down every time me and Mercedes did something fun together. Now the day is winding down. I'm about to start cooking dinner and my husband will be home soon. As I review my "Fun List" I realize that, even though there were tempter tantrums, hurt feelings and times Mercedes had to wait 15 minutes for a snack until I finished nursing the baby, there were many, many good moments throughout our day. We spent a lot of time together and we had fun. Today was similar to most of our days, but, with help from my list, I am able to focus on the happy parts of the day instead of only remembering the bad parts. For the first time since I brought my new baby home, I am ending the day feeling happy instead of guilty. Today was a good day.