Monday, July 30, 2012

Mercedes' 2nd Birthday Letter

My Dear Mercedes,

Today you are two. Affectionate, adorable, absolutely beautiful. I love your hugs, kisses and cuddles. I love rubbing your back and watching your tiny eyelashes flutter as you fall asleep. I love running my fingers through your silky blond curls. I love making you laugh your wonderful laugh and enjoying your sweet smile.

You are full of energy, seeking to explore your universe. You are amazing. I love to watch you learn. You are always full of your own ideas. It's so much fun playing with you and doing projects with you and seeing what creative ideas you come up with.

You are such a great big sister. You touch your baby sister so gently, you look at her so sweetly, you show her all your toys and we talk and dream about the day she'll be big enough to play with you. When I'm busy, you tell Emerald that it's okay, that mommy is hurrying and that I'll be back in just a minute. You are so wonderful to your baby sister.

You crave independence, wishing you could do everything all by yourself. You get so frustrated when I don't understand. You hate it when I try to help you. Sometimes you need some space and time to yourself. This is so hard for me because when you are sad, all I want to do is hold you in my arms and tell you how much I love you. But sometimes what you need most is for me to leave you alone. To let you curl up in your bed under your covers where you find comfort until you are ready to talk about what's wrong.

You are bursting with emotions. Intense, passionate emotions. Sometimes your emotions overwhelm you and all you know to do is scream. I try to teach you to use your words and tell me what's bothering you. I try to help you breathe the sad air out. We take deep breaths together until your heart stops beating so fast. I hold you and we rock back and forth until you feel better. Sometimes I get frustrated with you because whatever you are upset about doesn't seem like a big deal to me. But I know it's a big deal to you, so I try to understand. Someday you will be able to harness your emotions and deal with them in a positive way. Someday you'll be able to tell me how you're feeling or write your feelings down. Someday you'll be able to tell God how you are feeling and He'll help you work through them. Someday you'll come up with your own calming techniques. You'll go jogging or take up kickboxing or lock yourself in your room and blast your music while you dance it out. But until then, when your emotions are too much for you to handle, you can scream. It's okay. I'll be right there with you. I'll try not to get frustrated. I'll try to understand.

I love being your mom. I cherish every sweet smile, every happy laugh, every fun moment we spend together. I drink in every hug, every kiss, every cuddle. I know that one day, way too soon, you'll be grown and all of these precious things I share with you will be just a memory.

Sometimes I wonder if I have what it takes to be your mom. Being your mom means using up all of my energy every day just to keep you happy and entertained. Sometimes it means staying up all night since you still don't like to sleep. It means using all of my resources and brain power to be creative enough to challenge your brilliant mind and come up with creative parenting techniques to help you through your moods and problems. It means putting aside all of my emotions to help you deal with yours. Sometimes I'm drained. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed. Sometimes I'm completely exhausted. But you are worth it. You deserve the best from me, so I will give you 100% of me and then some. I will do whatever it takes to be the mom you need me to be.

I love you, my sweet baby girl. Happy birthday!

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